A Day for a King
by LastWill
Summary: Lucius Malfoy has a very rich life, and this is just one typical, amusing day within it. (A/U, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Pairings: Draco/Hermione, Lucius/Snape)


**A/N: So my best friend suggested that I could write a One-Shot about what a normal day would look like for Lucius and I got stuck on the idea. I suppose this is an early Valentine's Day gift to you all. Enjoy!**

* * *

The familiar cluster of bells rang out in the darkened room rudely disrupting Lucius' dream. He took a deep breath in and twisted in the covers. A spasm in his back caused him a flash of pain and he let out an annoyed growl.

" _Getting old is a nasty business_." He thought glumly.

The bells were still ringing but everything was motionless on his husband's side of the bed.

"Turn off that damnable racket already." Lucius groaned when he felt he couldn't tolerate the noise anymore.

He felt the mattress dip and lift as Severus sat up and turned off the alarm. Silence and darkness covered the room once more leaving Lucius to bask in the perfect sleeping conditions, only to have Severus' bedside lamp pierce through his sleepiness with light. It was bright even behind his eyelids and Lucius felt himself being roused.

"You're waking me up." Lucius protested forlornly.

Severus cupped Lucius' shoulder and roughly rolled him to his other side away from the light. Lucius couldn't suppress a chuckle at the dramatic gesture.

"Stop whining, you sleep-in every day." Severus chided him.

"Not if you insist on working." Lucius replied as he rolled back towards Severus.

Severus was stripping off his nightshirt and Lucius watched him lazily as he pulled out drawers and began picking out the day's clothes. Lucius yawned as Severus walked into the closet and came out with a long black robe on a hanger.

"Dearest, no- not that robe again." Lucius said from bed.

"I like this one." Severus said with a hint of a scowl.

"I must still be asleep, I'm having a nightmare where my husband can afford to wear anything he fancies but what he fancies is ugly clothes." Lucius sighed. "Don't wear it, it makes you look like a walking inkblot test, a big black inky blot." He sniffed. "It swallows up your amazing figure and that I cannot forgive."

"No one cares about my figure but you." Snape replied dismissively as he pulled on the offending robe.

"Really Severus, it was in our vows that we'd keep one another from ruin. In the name of love I threw out my best hat-" Lucius started.

"It was two bits of fur sewn together-" Snape mocked him.

"It was great hat-"

"- leftover scraps from a hunting lodge." Snape said with perverse pleasure. "Whoever sold it to you was banking on you having more money than sense."

"It was haute couture!" Lucius insisted.

"Which is round-about way of claiming it a mess." Snape said delivering the final blow. He seemed to know it too, a smug smirk was playing on his lips.

"Say what you like, you still insist on wearing those hideous nightgowns, you have no right to lecture me on fashion." Lucius huffed. "Go ahead and wear your ugly robes, I hope it brings you as much happiness as the sleep I'll be getting while you deliver your lessons to Hogwarts resident cretins."

Lucius turned and lay down on his stomach. He wouldn't quite be able to fall asleep until the light was turned out, but Severus was kind enough to not interrupt his attempt and was moving silently. Finally the light went out and Lucius began to relax in the warm bed.

He felt a dip in the mattress and strands of his long hair being brushed out his face. Severus bent down and kissed Lucius on the side of his mouth.

"Have a good day, Severus." Lucius said softly.

"Sleep well, Lucius." he replied.

Their intimate moment was spoiled when Severus ran his thin fingers through Lucius' hair and got it caught in a massive tangle. Snape was trying to weave his hand out of it without pulling Lucius' hair, but failing as Lucius laughed silently.

"Your attempts at romance are appalling." Lucius teased.

"Go to sleep." Snape ordered him with fake malice as he recovered his hand.

* * *

Lucius did manage to fall back asleep. He woke up at nine o'clock with the light pouring into the bedroom of the Malfoy Manor. It was a cold day and the comforter was pulled up to his chin, with some trepidation he sat up and faced the chill. The fires hadn't been lighted yet, but the house elves would do it now that he was awake.

Severus had left his nightgown on the floor in an ugly gray puddle. Lucius sighed.

 _That man is such a slob._

Lucius forced himself out of bed, grabbed his wand off the nightstand and shoved it in his pajama pants. His gaze swept over the gray puddle once more. Without a second thought he marched towards the ugly garment, picked it up, and threw it into the fireplace. It sagged against the logs forlornly.

"You're hideous and have no place on my husband's body." He scowled.

The nightgown slipped further into the cracks of the logs as if shrinking under his disapproval. This pleased Lucius tremendously.

He adapted a classical tune and sang while entering his private lavatory. The tune dropped off when he looked at himself in the mirror.

 _I look so_ … _old_.

Or rather, older. In his mind he never looked older than 30, however his morning gaze in the mirror had tried to dismantle that delusion.

"Merlin's bones." Lucius huffed, turning to the side and inspecting his profile. He drew himself up to his full height, pushed his chest out, and pressed a hand over his stomach.

 _Don't get upset. Did you think you'd be young forever?_

"Yes!" Lucius said to himself, answering his question.

He wasn't going to let his body issues defeat him. He looked into his eyes and studied his face closely.

 _I'm handsome. I'm still handsome. Severus is always going on about how handsome I am._

Lucius smiled and began to shave.

 _The man adores my looks, he's practically obsessed with me...I wonder if he still has that photograph of me in his desk?_

The thought made him smile more and his confidence was beginning to come up to a comfortable level. He was in good spirits until he stepped into his bedroom.

"Why is it still so cold in here!" He snarled.

His house elf was cowering in the corner, a single long match in it's ugly, knobby hand. It looked fearful as well as conflicted as it squatted over the fireplace.

"Sir," the house elf squeaked. "Thumble did not light the fire because- there seems to be a- something in the fireplace." he explained. "I dare not interrupt you, sir, to ask if I should remove it-"

"No don't remove it!" Lucius growled. "It's rubbish, that's why I put it there. You think the fireplace is where I store my valuables?"

"No sir!" Thumble said biting his lip.

"It's now too cold for me to undress in here. Be sure to burn your fingers when you finally get that damn fire going." Lucius huffed.

"Yes sir!" Thumble replied wincing.

Lucius grabbed one of his good robes and left his room to enter a room more cozy. The sounds of Thumble's shrieks of pain echoed in the hallway.

"Good help is so hard to find." Lucius sighed.

* * *

It was mid-morning when Lucius found himself curled up on a sofa in the drawing room. He was staring into the fire contemplating how he wanted to spend the rest of his day.

" _Let's see...I've had breakfast, I've done my chores_ ," Lucius thought. The Irish wolfhounds at his feet wagged their tails appreciatively after feasting on their full food bowls. _"_ _Shall I go to work?"_

On the wall there was four paintings of Draco hung up, stirring in their frames. Lucius smiled as 14 year-old Draco grinned back at him in his best dress robes.

The flesh-and-blood Draco had been avoiding him lately. Things between the two of them had been tense since _the great admission_. Lucius hadn't been holding back any comments about his disapproval concerning Hermione Granger as his son's new girlfriend.

 _"_ _Severus is right, he's my only son."_ Lucius thought with a sigh. _"_ _...Which means it's well within my rights to torment him."_

He turned his head and focused on another painting. This one was when Draco was much younger, just a baby. There was a stuffed dragon he was reaching for with his little hand, his baby-face straining with the task.

"Hmm…" Lucius mused as the baby cooed silently.

It was time for work.

* * *

"Bonjour, Mister Malfoy."

"Good morning, Madame Deschamps." Lucius greeted the elderly woman in the painting.

Madam Deschamps had taken a liking to him in his third year when his father, Abraxas Malfoy, had demanded he learn French. The old woman in the painting hung over the third staircase in Hogwarts, and while she ignored most students she had made an exception for Lucius as he recited his French out loud between classes. He made it a point to be extra ambitious in practicing his French around her, and she was so frustrated by his "atrocious attempt at her language" that she took Lucius under her wing. He found her infinitely more helpful than his old tutor...and the fact she shared his dark humor was a plus.

"Have you any news to tell since yesterday?" Lucius asked her.

"Sir Cadogan's taken up singing as a hobby and we both know he literally hasn't the physical presence to strengthen the vocal chords." She said with disdain. "He's so bad I mistook him for Mrs. Norris in heat. Could you be a darling and _remember him_ as you pass the next lit fire?"

"Sorry Madame, I can't destroy Hogwarts property, I can only take some of you out on loan." Lucius said regretfully.

"I don't suppose you could smuggle me away from his struggling alto?" She asked. She was clutching her pearl necklace with a sort of horrified dignity, her eyes closed showing a bright blue eyeshadow, her signature look in life.

"Oh heavens, I shudder to think what Hogwarts would be without you!" Lucius laughed. "I need you here, you do understand?"

"Yes." She said with a soft sigh. "But Christmas is so very far away...much like Paris."

Lucius enjoyed knowing things that he shouldn't, and employing Madam Deschamps as his extra set of eyes and ears proved to be a wise investment. Her spy-service came cheap- she only asked that arrangements be made to have her shipped to France during the Christmas holiday. Lucius owned an estate in Paris and promised her an exquisite view of the Eiffel Tower.

"Cheer up, my dear. I've brought someone to keep you company." Lucius announced. He revealed the portrait of Draco happily rolling on his padded crib.

"Oh my, a baby!" She proclaimed. "I haven't seen one of those here in a long time."

"Ah, he's my own." Lucius admitted. Baby Draco drooled in greeting and he saw her smirk. "Can I entrust him with you? He can be a bit of a handful but no doubt he'd take to you, you so look like his mother."

"You devil!" She said hiding a blush. "I suppose I could babysit for a little while. I did raise five witches."

"Five?" Lucius said grinning.

"Different fathers." She remarked as Lucius hung Draco's portrait on the wall. "Wizards died so easily back then...I lost one husband to war, another to influenza, and the last made it a hobby to race horses in the woods at midnight! They found a stump sticking through his belly, the horse was unharmed."

He had read rumors of her being a "Black Widow", but this was the first time she'd ever brought up spousal death since he'd known her. She was smiling to herself with her eyes glazed over (or perhaps that was the actual glaze in the painting?); she was stuck in a daydream.

 _I'm sure Draco will be fine._

"There." Lucius said as he stood back from the family portrait. "I think that looks rather nice."

The bell rang and students began to flood the hallways. Some gave Lucius a dirty look as he stood in their way. Others stole curious glances at the new painting; there was a fair amount of whispering (especially from the girls) as they scurried past.

"Your son looks princely." Deschamps remarked as the student's began to thin out. "He has your eyes."

"But none of my sense." Lucius huffed. "Have you anything to report to me on his whereabouts?"

"Shh-shhh!" She scolded him sharply as she straightened in her frame.

Lucius turned and saw Draco marching from the hallway toward the staircase. He was looking at the floor with a concerned expression and his shoulders slouched as he carried his dragon skin briefcase by his side.

"Draco, how many times do I have to correct you on your posture?" Lucius sighed.

Draco looked up and jumped a bit as if jolted out of his thoughts. He frowned as he slowly walked toward the staircase.

"Father what are you- oh no!" He proclaimed. "That's a private family portrait!" Draco said in horror as he spotted the painting on the wall. He ran up a few steps and dropped his briefcase with a thud. "How could you hang this up!?"

"I had no choice. It was the only painting the correct size that would fit that spot." Lucius told him calmly.

"Do you have any idea what my students would say or do if they knew this was me?" Draco panicked as he waved a hand at the painting.

Baby-Draco didn't like being yelled at and began to frown and tear up.

"They would think you were cute." Lucius assured him with a good-natured smile. He gazed at it with adoration. "You were such a beautiful child, your mother and I have excellent genes. Who knows what your children will look like..."

"I'm tired of this conversation. If you're so baby-crazy _you_ make one!" Draco snapped.

"I did consider it, but with the amount of potion fumes Severus is around I'm afraid the child would come out with three eyeballs or, I don't know, Weasley-red hair! And I adore him but...that nose, it's an acquired taste for a sophisticated pallet." Lucius thought aloud.

"Then I guess you're stuck with me and my time-table." Draco replied. "I can't be following you around all day to make sure you're not wrecking my life, don't you have anything to do at home?"

"I didn't just come to Hogwarts to hang up family portraits. I came here for a very important reason." Lucius said.

"Such as...?" Draco asked.

"That's between me and the Headmistress." Lucius replied.

"Father, don't bother her." Draco snapped.

"I'm not going to be ordered-about by my own son." Lucius huffed. A loud sound of a bell ringing filled the hallway. "Doesn't that mean you should be in class?"

"Oh no, I'm late-" He panicked as he grabbed his briefcase. "Take that painting down!" Draco yelled as he ran up the stairs two-by-two.

"...Yes, you'd do well right there." Lucius said admiring his handiwork on the wall. "Who would have known you'd grow up to have such poor taste in women?" he said to the cooing, baby Draco.

"The boy grew up a tad scatterbrained." Deschamps remarked.

"Quite." Lucius replied.

* * *

Lucius hated the Headmistress' waiting room.

He pulled a face. Hogwarts was in deep need of a renovation in his opinion. The musty medieval look was a lot easier to tolerate when an ancient man like Dumbledore was in charge of Hogwarts, but a woman younger than 70 years-old had no such excuse to be so drab.

 _Where the hell does my money go to? Certainly not her wardrobe._ Lucius thought looking at Hermione's blouse. Tiny black owls were arranged on it in a pattern. _Merlin, Draco, how could you allow your girlfriend to walk around in that tacky outfit? If she's going to dress like a muggle, at least make her a respectable looking one._ He thought as the Headmistress gave him a disapproving glare.

"Mr. Malfoy, what a _surprise_." Hermione said as she blocked the door to her office. "Sign-in." ordered him.

Luna arose from her desk and trotted toward him with a sign-in sheet on a clipboard outstretched.

"I'm only here for a quick consultation." Lucius replied, waving Luna away.

Luna made a 180 degree turn and began to walk back to her desk.

"You still need to sign-in." Hermione insisted.

Luna switched directions quickly and trotted toward Lucius.

"You already know I'm here, there's little point in it." Lucius said, causing Luna to swivel on her heel.

"Do it or leave." Hermione shot back. Like a dancer, Luna was back again, this time the sheet was put under Lucius' nose.

Lucius grabbed the sign-in sheet with a stiff smile. He began reading all the names on the list and flipped back a few pages, making the simple request drag out to two minutes before he was interrupted.

"You have to sign it, not read it." Hermione informed him.

"You don't honestly think I'm going to sign anything I haven't read thoroughly? Clearly you are not a Headmistress who is properly schooled in business matters." Lucius scoffed. "Why, this could be a contract demanding I hand you over my entire estate!"

"It's very obviously just a sign-in sheet." Hermione replied. Despite Lucius' needling she had chosen to keep her calm.

"I can't take the risk of losing Draco's inheritance." Lucius said setting the sign-in sheet on Luna's desk. "What would I leave to my son? You can't expect him to spend the rest of his life at Hogwarts scraping together a pitiful wage! He's not like you, I didn't instill in him the constitution to live such a undistinguished lifestyle."

He was hoping to insult her but she wasn't rising to the bait.

"Shall we begin?" Lucius said with a smile as he motioned to her office.

"I'm not discussing anything with you until you sign-in." Hermione told him stubbornly.

Lucius took a deep breath and scribbled on the sheet before handing it to her.

"Mr. Malfoy, that's not a signature, that's a drawing." Hermione said. She attempted to hand it back to Lucius, but he made no effort to take it out of her outstretched hand. "I'll allow you start over since you seem to be confused."

"I'm not confused, that's my mark." Lucius snapped.

"Your mark is the drawing of a snake?" Hermione said.

"And why not? Someone drew a paw print on this page." Lucius said flipping a page backward. Instead of placing down a signature Sirius Black had blotted a little ink paw. "If you allow Black to do that and not accept mine I'll have to write a very offended letter to the board of governors."

"My mistake, it's perfect," Hermione said stiffly. There was an angry flush on her cheeks as she handed the clipboard to Luna. "Thank you for complying to my request and signing in, Mr. Malfoy. Please come into my office."

Lucius grinned as she turned in place and opened the door roughly. She made a beeline to her desk leaving him to close the door behind him.

"Oh...how very…" Lucius started, looking around her office. "Dumbledore didn't leave you the office looking like this, did he?"

"You said this was a quick consultation?" Hermione said sitting in her chair behind the desk.

"Indeed."

Something like relief passed her flushed features as she motioned for him to sit. He took his place, cleared his throat as he sat tall before her.

"I wanted to know if my husband has expressed any plans to retire." Lucius announced.

She raised her eyebrows.

"Not that he's shared with me." Hermione replied. "And if he had, I imagine he'd also share that news with you."

"Mmm." Lucius hummed dismissively. "Doing what's best for him is one of my responsibilities, you'd understand marital duties _if_ you were ever to get married." he said with a lick of annoyance.

She didn't respond to his comment.

"Severus' early retirement would benefit us all." Lucius said running his hand over his snake-cane.

"'Benefit us'?" Hermione repeated. Her professional manner was melting as an incredulous smile creeped on her features.

"I've given so much to this school...not just financially, my dear-" Lucius started.

"I'm not 'your dear-'" She replied.

"-I've given you my husband and now you have my firstborn son!" Lucius interrupted with a cold smile. "My only son and heir. It's not out of turn to ask you give one of them back to me."

"This is not a hostage situation." Hermione replied. "I can't 'give one back' as if they were a misplaced sock. Professor Snape wants to be here, teaching at Hogwarts is his career."

"He doesn't need career!" Lucius chuckled. "We're wealthy. I'm sure even you noticed that when you seduced my son."

"Mr. Malfoy," Hermione sighed. "I didn't seduce your son, and I'm not going to have a meeting about my relationship. As for your husband's retirement plans, you're going to need to speak to him about them, not me."

"Severus would work himself into the grave and beyond it if he could." Lucius snapped. "That's why I came to you, my dear-"

"I'm not your-"

"-You have the authority to force him into retirement." Lucius said bluntly. "I wouldn't do it this year, it'd be too sudden. Perhaps next year or the-"

"-I'm _not_ forcing Professor Snape into retirement!" Hermione shouted. Lucius raised his eyebrows in disapproval at the outburst. She took a second to compose herself and folded her hands on the desk. "Is that all?" she asked in a calmer tone.

Annoyance licked his insides. Of course Granger would be inflexible.

"That's all...for now." Lucius said softly. His subtle threat didn't go unnoticed.

"Excellent, I'll show you out." Hermione said rising from her seat.

They walked to the door in silence, but the tension was buzzing between them. Lucius was trained to ignore the discomfort but it seemed to weigh on the young Headmistress as she opened the door for him- her hand was slightly shaky.

"My son is having dinner at the Manor on Sunday," Lucius announced as he lingered at the door. "Should I expect you to join us?"

"Yes, that's very kind of you to offer." Hermione replied.

"Yes, it is." Lucius replied coldly. He didn't wait for her response and ignored her soft sigh of protest.

" _Annnd scene._ " Lucius thought as the door swung closed behind him. He imagined the door slamming in her indignant, upset face and smirked.

* * *

" _Now what to do? Where to go?_ " Lucius thought as he strolled away from the Headmistress' waiting room and down the stairs. " _Maybe I should pick up a hobby?_ "

At the bottom of the stairwell Severus was rushing toward him in a state of high agitation. His robe (ugly) was swishing as he sped towards him.

"Lucius!" Severus called to him.

"How did you know I was here?" Lucius asked him.

"You're always here." Severus drawled as he stood before him.

"...True." Lucius replied thoughtfully.

"Come with me." Severus ordered him.

Lucius didn't question the urgency as Severus grabbed his hand and pulled him along.

"Are we going somewhere fun?" Lucius sighed.

"No." Severus said over his shoulder.

He was led to the ground floor of the castle and down a sparse stone hallway that connected to the outside Hogwarts grounds. Lucius stifled a protest as he was jostled around a corner.

"Severus, I'm beginning to wonder if I've touched a PortKey. How much longer am I going to be dragged about?" Lucius asked.

"There." Severus said, one thin finger pointing through a window and across the lawns. " _Black_." he spat, his lip curling.

"Oh my." Lucius huffed. "Who the devil is he talking to?"

Black was standing near a tree and a bench and looked to be delivering a very charismatic speech. His hand gestures were wild, but Lucius couldn't decipher if he was having an argument or reciting Shakespeare's Hamlet.

"He's talking to someone under that damned invisibility cloak." Severus said without blinking. "Potter or the werewolf must be under it somewhere nearby."

"Are you sure?" Lucius asked. "It's likely the idiot has lost his sanity. Oh-!" He said fully amused as Sirius got on one knee. "He's practicing a proposal."

"Don't be ridiculous." Severus sniffed. His hungry eyes roamed the scene eager to find wrong-doing. "Black has always been a huge flirt but he's not the type to settle down."

"I don't know, he seems awfully stuck on that frightful Lupin." Lucius said. He leaned an elbow on the window and laughed when Sirius' shoulders slumped in dramatic dejection.

"You think everyone is gay." Severus snapped.

"Black is a single man who has never been married and has been travelling the world with his best 'friend'. He's been here for almost a year and hasn't chased any skirts; he's got to have _leanings_ at least." Lucius reasoned.

"He dated more girls in our year then some have in a lifetime." Severus replied. "I've caught him more than once with females in...compromising positions."

"You shameless voyeur." Lucius teased.

"He was breaking school rules!" Severus snarled.

"Of course. Still, a history of women doesn't mean he's straight." Lucius laughed.

"He's not a homosexual nor is he bisexual." Severus said matter-of-factly. "He says homophobic comments to me any chance his Nethandrial brain can coordinate with his mouth to say them."

"He says those things because it upsets you. I know I'm right about this, he's not straight; after graduation we had our yearly family gathering, it was the last one he went to, but he brought his boyfriend. Apparently they dated on and off for a year."

"WHAT!?" Severus roared.

Sirius straightened and went completely rigid at the shout. He whipped his head around quickly to catch any observers, and Severus only escaped his gaze when Lucius dipped his knees and dragged his husband in a squatting position behind the window.

"You mean all this time-" Severus stuttered. His face was flushing in a rage as he struggled to form a coherent sentence. "He dated- he called me slurs-!"

Lucius bit his bottom lip, it was very undignified, but there was something comical about Severus' tantrums. Thankfully, Severus was too upset and angry to notice Lucius holding back an inappropriate laugh.

"Darling, I'm sorry." Lucius managed to say without his voice wavering.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Severus spat at him as his face twisted in a fury.

"What is the point? I can hardly see why it matters if you know his orientation, it's not as if you were going to sleep with him." Lucius replied.

"But the homophobic things- you know what he's been saying to me!" Severus raged.

"Yes Love, I know." Lucius said in a soothing voice. "Merlin, your face is going purple... how about we get some tea and calm down? We can come back and attack Black with a cool head."

Severus took a few long, heavy breaths, but still looked angry enough to be inclined to murder.

"What are you weirdo's doing?"

Severus and Lucius looked up and saw Black leaning heavily on the window, his face looking down upon them.

"I knew I smelled wet-dog." Lucius huffed as he crinkled his nose. He stood up and drew his full height.

"YOU!" Severus shouted angrily.

"...Yes, ME." Black replied as he threw a mocking smile Snape. "What are you so worked-up over? Someone manipulate you into taking a shower?"

"You're a fucking sodomite, you hypocrite!" Severus burst out.

Black's eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline as Severus stood up. Lucius cleared his throat uncomfortably. It wasn't that he didn't hate Black with every fiber of his being, but he knew when Severus was this angry it would be easy for Black to get under the poor man's skin and cause him to become more flustered.

"'Sodomite'? Merlin, Snape, do you kiss Malfoy with that mouth?" Black replied critically. "I knew you were fucked-up in the head, but I never pegged you as one of those self-hating homosexuals."

"You're the one with self-hatred!" Severus snapped. Lucius groaned, Severus was losing it as Black started to laugh in his face. "You dated men and you dare to use homophobic slurs-!"

"Like 'sodomite'?" Black replied calmly.

Severus climbed to a higher tier of anger and seemed to have gone speechless. If Lucius didn't interrupt soon Black would be nothing more than another wet puddle on the lawns.

"Okay, I think that's enough!" Lucius announced. "Goodbye, Black!"

Lucius took the advantage of the element of surprise. Instead of drawing his wand, he put his whole hand over Black's face and shoved him violently with all his strength. An alarmed yell escaped Black as he fell backward onto the ground.

"Shall we?" Lucius said grabbing Severus's arms and rushing him away from the scene. "I really want to try that new jasmine tea mix Minerva was going on about."

Black had gotten to his feet and was hanging out the window, his wand drawn. He shouted an obscenity, but retaliation was too late- Lucius had dragged his livid lover down the hallway and towards the dungeon to safety.

* * *

It took almost an hour of tea drinking in Severus's office to calm him down but Lucius finally got his head level and him back to functioning normally. In fact, it took about half a pound of tea leaves between them to get Severus into a decent mood.

"Do you want another cup?" Severus asked him.

"I've had enough, thank you." Lucius replied. That was the truth.

 _Brandy and water for the next few days._

He rose to his feet and began to poke around.

Severus was such a private man and Lucius loved to uncover his little quirks. It drove Severus mad when Lucius shuffled through his office, and he noticed certain drawers being stickier and less yielding to his prodding.

Lucius did find one drawer that opened. Inside was the photograph of himself, the one he thought about that morning while getting ready for the morning. It was sitting on top of a silver stirring spoon and a list of ideas Severus had made dated two days ago- Severus must have looked at the photograph recently. He closed the drawer feeling a rush of affection.

"Can I help you find something?" Severus asked him with mild disapproval ringing in his voice.

"No, I was being nosey." Lucius admitted with a grin.

"Yes, I can see that." his husband replied tersely. "I was hoping to streamline the process."

"Take heart, I'm done for now." Lucius informed him. "Any juicy teacher's gossip? It really is the best kind."

Severus scoffed and begun to tell him about Hogwart's latest news.

Severus would never be aesthetically handsome, but Lucius found himself very attracted to the man. They had known each other for years, had struggled side-by-side, lived through things that no one else could understand and somehow they had miraculously survived. The bonding of being brother-in-arms, their familiarity, along with Severus' amazing mind had made him a quality choice for a spouse. Lucius had love, beauty and family with Narcissa but things hadn't lasted; at his age he also needed loyalty, comfort, companionship, an interesting partner to stimulate him, and affection - looks simply wasn't a priority anymore.

" _Oh no, I've let my mind wander._ " Lucius thought as Snape's velvety drone halted. " _Now he's stopped talking and giving me that look again, he's trying to decide if I was paying attention or not. I'll say something vague._ "

"Sometimes I wonder if I should bother." Lucius said evenly.

"...You don't want to bother with dinner?" Snape asked him with a slight frown.

"Well of course I want dinner, I meant I didn't want to cook it is all." Lucius improvised.

"I'd never assume that was an option, you've never cooked dinner." Snape informed him suspiciously.

"I know that, I'm telling you I want to eat-out tonight. Merlin, aren't you listening to me?" Lucius sighed.

"...Apparently too much." He replied with his lip curling.

Lucius laughed, he found Severus so amusingly witty. He was sure Severus caught not paying attention, but his husband was kind enough to let the offense go for now. Lucius grabbed his hand and kissed it.

"If you'll excuse me Darling, I really must be on my way." Lucius said his thumb brushing against the long fingers. "Dinner's at five. We'll go somewhere new."

"Five? That's earlier than usual." Snape remarked.

Lucius looked down at the hand he was holding.

"Arrive home at five, it'll give us time to get ready." Lucius told him.

 _I need every moment I can spare to convince you to take a bath before we dine. There's a pound of dirt under your nails._

Snape allowed the hand to be massaged a few moments longer before pulling it away.

"Alright." Severus said with a slight nod. "Goodbye."

"That's it? I'm your spouse, not your roommate." Lucius replied raising his eyebrows. "Don't you want to kiss me properly before I leave? You won't be seeing me for a few hours and you'll need something to help you soldier on." He teased.

Severus awkwardly grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed his lips. Lucius suppressed a laugh at how amateur the man could be at romance in ways- there was something almost innocent about it. It was rather sweet.

 _Severus must never learn of his awkwardness! He'll get self-conscious and spoil it._

"Alright, that's enough of that mushy business," Lucius teased as Severus' hands slipped from his shoulders. "See you at five."

* * *

The next few hours sailed by for Lucius. He managed to manipulate Severus into taking a shower (much to what would be Severus' chagrin if Sirius Black knew), and the payoff was to treat his husband to a fabulous upscale steakhouse in the middle of London.

"I always feel strange when you take me to these extravagant places." Severus said eying the three glasses next to his plate. One was full of water, the other wine, and the last was empty. "What the hell could the last glass be for, poison to escape this excessive production of wealth?"

It was rare for Severus to admit he was feeling vulnerable, so Lucius tried to look as empathetic as he could.

"It's for whatever you want it to hold, my Love." Lucius replied. "Although I don't recall nightshade being on the wine list." He grabbed the menu and flipped it around with interest.

Their waitress arrived to take their orders. Severus was stiff and sounded like he almost regretted putting his order in.

"I would like to pick where we eat next time." Severus said as she walked away.

"And you'll choose to eat here because the food is rated so highly." Lucius replied. "This is what people of our status do, we drink and eat with as many utensils as the table will hold. Stop complaining and embrace your inner snob."

"At least no one is mistaking me for a waiter." Severus replied.

"Are you going to bring that up every time we go somewhere nice?" Lucius said with a grin. Severus' nostrils flared. "It was your own fault for dressing in all black."

"Lucius? Lucius Malfoy?"

"A stranger is calling you." Severus said raising an eyebrow. "He's coming to our table."

Lucius twisted in his chair to get a full view of an eager, rat-faced gentleman in dark blue robes. A golden pin with a wand symbol shone brightly against his chest.

"Oh Merlin, it's that _stuffed-shirt_ William Willoughby." Lucius said with disgust.

"Does he think he's a friend of yours?" Severus asked.

"Heavens no, we bloody hate each other's guts. That piece of scum was the deciding vote on kicking me off the governor's board." Lucius said without moving his lips. "He's like my own personal Sirius Black- ah William!" he greeted enthusiastically as the wizard finally made it to their table.

"Lucius! Oh please don't get up, your legs must be awfully tired at your age." Willoughby said with false cheer.

"I wasn't going to get up." Lucius replied happily. "What are you doing here? Surely they didn't let _you_ in, did they?"

"I'm afraid they did despite the questionable clientele." Willoughby replied. "But I suppose they didn't know about your Azkaban record."

Severus was looking between the both of them in a state of shock as they both laughed like old friends.

"I see you're wearing your Governors pin which means you're here on business." Lucius said casually. "That makes perfect sense, you don't have any friends, and a female wouldn't be caught dead dining here with you."

"You're right, I am here on business, I've just wrapped up an important meeting with the Minister of Magic." Willoughby replied. "I was about to leave but then I saw this fine gentleman in the corner of my eye," he said motioning to Severus. "And thought, 'is that poor man dining with a corpse, or is that pale husk propped-up in a chair Lucius Malfoy? I better have a look.' ...And here you are."

"Well it's wonderful to see you, Willoughby." Lucius said, his eyes steeling. "I'd ask you to join us but we want to eat our dinner, not lose it."

"Ha!" Willoughby laughed. "Same _old_ Lucius Malfoy. Take care of yourself."

"Bye now." Lucius sniffed.

Lucius took a long sip of his water as Snape's gaze followed the wizard out of restaurant.

"What the hell was that?" Severus snapped.

"I know, that 'corpse' comment was better than anything I came up with." Lucius snapped angrily as he set his glass on the table. "I held my own, but you're going to have to help me brainstorm a few comebacks when we get back to the Manor. You're so good at them..."

"Why have I never heard of this garbage human being before now?" Severus asked him.

"Because I only think of him when I'm constipated and need to get out a particularly difficult shit." Lucius scowled. "Listen, I don't want to dwell on him unless we're thinking up insults." he said waving his hand.

"So is he the reason why you can't get onto the board of governors?" Severus said frowning.

"Yes. I also can't seriously get into politics, he was a huge supporter of some smear campaign on the Malfoy name after Fudge retired. It's no secret I'm not as welcome in the Ministry as I used to be." Lucius said softly. "Do you really think the Minister of Magic was here? I feel if he were here he would have said hello to me. Maybe not out of friendship but..."

"I have my doubts he was here." Severus replied. "There would have been people clustered around him, asking him questions, schmoozing, congratulating him on a well-ordered steak and the like."

"You're right, Willoughby was obviously lying." Lucius said. "He thinks he's making me jealous. Honestly, Hogwarts is a thousand times more interesting than the Ministry ever was."

"Does he know you're still involved at Hogwarts?" Severus asked.

"No, and he doesn't know we're married. I'm not even sure if he knows Draco works there, the less he knows about my ties to Hogwarts the better." Lucius told him. "I wouldn't worry too much about it. He didn't even recognize you, and you work there."

"Why does he hate you so much?" Severus asked.

"Years ago I blocked him from becoming head of the board and he's been salty about it ever since." Lucius sighed. "He never used to be that mouthy. Merlin, I should have killed him in our Death Eater days- it would have made going to Azkaban worth it!"

Severus broke eye contact from him and was looking behind Lucius. Once again Lucius turned in his chair.

Their waitress had overheard Lucius' admission of willful murder and history of Azkaban. She was looking at the both in horror as if they had admitted they had smuggled Voldemort under their table. The pitcher of water in her hand was trembling as an uncomfortable silence was exchanged between them.

Lucius cleared his throat and held out his half-drunk water glass. She hastily filled up his glass and turned pale.

"I'll get your orders out right away." She said in a shaky voice.

Lucius raised his eyebrows at Severus and hummed pleasantly once she had left.

"I should Azkaban-drop in conversation more often." Lucius said with a smirk. "I nearly forgot I was such a big deal..."

* * *

Lucius was slipping on his pajama pants while Severus entered their lavatory. He could see his husband's form standing over the sink, one of his thin hands was stroking his chin.

" _Damn him and his naturally fast metabolism._ " Lucius thought darkly as he observed Severus slip off his robe to reveal his thin form.

Severus bent over the sink suddenly and let out an angry bark.

"What's wrong, Dearest?" Lucius asked as Snape lingered in front of the mirror.

"I'm going grey." Severus said plainly. "At the temples."

"Are you?" Lucius said. He slipped his nightshirt on quickly before wandering in the lavatory, taking his place next to Severus.

There was an unmistakable grey dusting around Severus' ears. It was even more noticeable as Lucius brushed his hair back.

"Oh my." Lucius hummed.

"My god," Severus cursed. He pulled away from his husband's touch. "Lucius...you look pleased. Are you happy about this?"

"Darling, no." Lucius laughed. "How could you think that?"

"Because I know when you're happy! You're pleased I'm going grey!" Severus snapped.

"I love you with my entire heart." Lucius replied defensively.

"Surely you have room in it for a substantial amount of schadenfreude." Severus growled.

"Alright, fine- you've got me. I have been trying for three months to lose ten pounds, and having to look at your slim, beautiful body day-in, day-out makes me feel insecure. Age is catching up with me, it's nice to know I'm not the only one getting older!" Lucius snapped.

"I am not beautiful." Severus snapped. "I don't like it when you try to flatter me with false sentiments."

"Oh come now, Severus. How many times must I honestly convince you that you're handsome to me?" Lucius replied in a tired tone.

"Nonsense, we both know you're the attractive one in this marriage. When people realize we're together they look at me as if I were a troll that won you in a tragic bridge-crossing escapade." Severus glowered.

The mental image swam in Lucius' mind and he let out a short giggle. Severus shot him an angry look.

"Surely I'm not in trouble for finding you amusing?" Lucius protested with a smile. Severus whipped his attention bitterly towards the mirror, his lip curling. "Well if you don't want me to laugh then stop saying funny things!"

"Leave me alone." Severus hissed.

"Don't sulk," Lucius sighed. "If going grey bothers you so much you can always dye it. Personally, I believe it gives you a more distinguished, scholarly look. You look very handsome, you can pour venestrium down my throat and I wouldn't say otherwise."

"Go away." Severus responded.

"'Go away' where? We share a bed, Severus." Lucius chuckled.

"Then go to the bed and pull the covers over your head. I don't want to see your smug face for the rest of the night." Severus growled.

"You're so sensitive tonight." Lucius said as he slowly walked out of the bathroom. "I'll try not to say any more nice things to you... like how amazing your arse looks in those pants."

A spasm of a smile flittered across Severus' mouth before he could control it.

"Or how I used your 'sweat gland' comeback on Bertram Copper yesterday and his bottom lip quivered like an orphan's on Mother's Day."

"Go away!" Severus repeated, though the bite in his voice was noticeably dulled.

"Or how strong and masculine your voice is, especially when you're ordering me around!" Lucius called to him from their bedroom.

Severus had stopped yelling at him, so Lucius took the opportunity to slip in bed and began fluffing up the pillows. He paused, a distinct odor was lingering in the air and he had a suspicion he knew why. The fire was still crackling but a nightgown sleeve had broken free and stretched near the front on the stone- the end of the sleeve was charred and a faint smoke was curling up from it.

 _He probably won't notice._

"Why does it so strange in here?" Severus asked entering the room.

 _Merlin hex it all!_

"I don't smell anything." Lucius said casually.

It seemed the old nightgown was made of slow-burn material and the evidence of it being well-worn lingered in the air.

"You really don't smell that?" Severus asked him.

"Darling, forgive me for saying so, but you have me at a disadvantage. Your nose has always been more...ah...developed." Lucius replied evenly.

"My sense of smell has nothing to do with the size of my nose!" Severus snapped.

"I didn't say that." Lucius sighed.

"You did." Severus accused him.

"Stop trying to pick fights with me, I've been complimenting your lovely, handsome, clever self all night." Lucius replied picking up one of his magazines perched by the bed.

"You're trying to distract me." Severus said.

"I'm trying to seduce you." Lucius said in a bored tone from behind Witch Weekly.

"It does smell strange." Snape insisted. He sat on Lucius' side of the bed and frowned as he scanned the room. Lucius reached out with one hand traced circles on his husband's back with his fingers as he read. "Were you doing anything unusual in here?"

"Unusual?" Lucius said in a suggestive tone. He looked up from his magazine. "I wouldn't do anything 'unusual' without you…Did you want to do something _unusual_ tonight?"

"I want to find out _who_ was doing _what_ in our room." Severus replied, pulling away.

Lucius let out a long suffering sigh.

 _Stop being such an over-curious busy-body._

"I swear, Severus, trying to get you into the mood is like trying to get a sphinx to speak clearly." Lucius huffed as he flipped a page. "If I throw myself any harder at you I'll break a rib."

 _"_ Just give me a minute, Lucius." Severus replied impatiently.

"Alright, I'll be in bed reading about Richard Icklebot's caving adventure. " Lucius mumbled. "Don't bother to be offended if I'm more interested in this article than sex with you."

"What the hell!" Severus snapped. Lucius' insides clenched as he watched Severus grab the fire poker. He hooked the sleeve of his burnt nightgown with it and held up the charred piece in a fury. "Care to explain this!?"

 _Merlin, he sniffed it out! Well of course he did, look at the size of his nose._

"Don't over-react." Lucius told him. "I've already put in an order for a much nicer one that's being delivered Friday. I hope you're happy, you've spoiled your surprise."

"Yes, discovering my destroyed nightgown is quite the delightful surprise! Thank you Lucius- you're so kind!" Severus barked sarcastically before flinging the remaining piece of gown in the fire. "Sometimes I wonder if I've married a madman!" he spat throwing the poker onto the stone hearth violently.

"I obviously wouldn't have done it if I knew it'd smell like a dead cowboy in here." Lucius said staring at the ceiling. A few seconds passed and he peaked over to see Severus standing stiff as a board and his lip curling unpleasantly. "Alright, I was insensitive; I shouldn't have destroyed your clothes. Please spare me a lecture and open the window."

Severus flicked his wand and the window opened in a rough jolt. A blast of chilly air whistled through it and Lucius ducked further under the covers. Severus crossed the room angrily and began removing the rest of his clothing as he found another nightshirt. It was nearly identical to the one Lucius had burned in the fireplace and perhaps that was the point as Severus slipped it on. Severus was not in good spirits as he sat on his side of the bed with his back to Lucius.

"You know better but you think I'll forgive you... so you violate my boundaries." Severus scowled. He placed his wand on the nightstand and climbed under the covers.

"You don't forgive me?" Lucius laughed.

Severus paused and shot him a dark look.

"This isn't even close to the most unforgivable thing I've ever done." Lucius said struggling to wipe the smile off his face.

"It's the principle of the matter." Severus replied. "You're not apologetic, you're treating this entire affair like a joke. You'll only want me to forgive you to clear your conscience."

"You know me so well. It's true, I won't be able to sleep if you don't forgive me." Lucius teased.

Severus' disgusted gaze creeped on him.

"What do you expect me to say, Severus? You've made it clear my apology means nothing to you." Lucius said. "How can I show you I'm sorry? Do you want to throw something of mine in the fire? Throw in anything you wish. Do you want me to jump into the fire? Just say the word and I'll do my best phoenix impression, although it might smell a good deal worse."

"Dramatic hypotheticals are not going to make me forgive you." Snape huffed. He then curled up in the covers and turned his back on Lucius.

The light on Severus' side went dim and only Lucius' bedside light and the fire remained.

"I guess the evening is over." Lucius said in a disappointed sigh. Severus did not respond as Lucius turned off his light. "I sure would have liked to know how Icklebolt faired."

"Goodnight." Severus snapped moodily.

"...That open window is making the room extremely chilly, can I at least have an embrace fueled by the warm fires of your hatred for me?" Lucius asked.

"You know I don't hate you, I find you irritating." Severus drawled from his side.

"Very well, may I have a lukewarm 'I find you irritating' cuddle then?" Lucius replied.

"...If it keeps you quiet." Severus snarled.

Lucius wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug, Snape's back was pressed firmly against his chest.

"Let me get comfortable." Lucius whispered as he rubbed his groin over Severus' rear.

"I'm starting to suspect ulterior motives." Severus said.

"Not at all, I'm pure of heart." Lucius said blowing in his ear. "That's a Slytherin trait, isn't it?"

"No." Severus replied, though Lucius was glad to hear some amusement in his voice.

"What about an insatiable desire to have sex with you?" Lucius whispered. He pushed his pelvis into Severus' once more. "Is that a Slytherin trait?"

"What a terrifying thought." Severus replied after a pause.

Lucius chuckled. Severus turned in place until they were facing each other.

"I really am sorry about the nightgown." Lucius apologized gently.

"Liar." Severus said with a wry smile.

"Well obviously I can't be sorry it's gone. I mean damn, Severus, it was just so ghastly." Lucius scoffed. "...But I _am_ sorry for upsetting you."

"I suppose that'll be as sincere an apology as I'll get." Severus hummed.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Have I shown enough remorse to finally be intimate with you?" Lucius asked him.

"I just love a romantic man." Severus replied sarcastically. "I can't believe you accused _me_ of being terrible at romance this morning." Severus mocked him. "Very well, I don't have the energy to be angry with you. Yes, we can be intimate."

"Tisk, you're right, 'being intimate' sounds horrid." Lucius mused. "Do you find the term 'making love' as sappy as I do?"

"In most context." Severus replied. "What do you think of 'having relations'?"

"I don't like that one either. It sounds insidious and vaguely incestuous." Lucius said pulling a face. "And when you're in an old, important wizarding family like 'Malfoy' it's not entirely infeasible."

"Copulating." Severus said.

"Now you're just ridiculing me." Lucius drawled. "'Copulating'? That sounds dreadful."

"Perhaps we should just stick with 'sex'," Severus sighed. "as it seems no other word satisfies you."

"Mmm, you satisfy me." He said. He kissed Severus on the lips and gave him a very tight squeeze. "Thank you for indulging me. It's been one hell of a day."

* * *

 **I hope you liked the fic!**


End file.
